I wish I had a badass story about how I got my concussion, but I hit my forehead on the corner of a shelf. Now if that’s not exciting, I don’t know what is 😉 Although I should add that this was my second concussion, I got my first by taking a penalty kick straight to my face during a soccer game a few years prior. Anyhow, I was leading a hands-on workshop with my team, with loose leash walking protocols being the topic. I had a client’s young, bouncy pit bull as our subject. As I went to get her a toy from a basket, I hit my forehead on the corner of a shelf that I hadn’t seen. It was a hard hit, and I let out a few choice curse words, but then jumped back into instructing the meeting. We worked for 2 hours, filming different training exercises and we were really proud of the progress our client’s dog had made in the short period of time. I drove home with a mild headache, but thought nothing of it.
The next morning I awoke feeling mildly nauseas and dizzy. It immediately struck me that it felt similar to the concussion from soccer, and began to worry that I may be experiencing another one. I decided to stay home from work and rest. That afternoon while taking a shower, I experienced a scary onset of delayed symptoms. Out of nowhere I became hysterical and confused, and could not stop crying and hyperventilating. I was unable to process what was happening around me, my bathroom was unrecognizable and I didn’t know what I was doing. Fortunately, my phone was nearby and I was able to call for help.
While in the ER, I couldn’t do much more than stare at a small focal point. I looked at a fold in the curtain for what felt like hours as I sat in the hospital bed. I couldn’t turn to look at my family around me or the nurse that was talking to me. The world was going by and I simply couldn’t process it in real time, there was a delay in what was happening and what I could comprehend. The nurse had to repeat the clauses in the paperwork because I couldn’t grasp what she was saying, and when I went to initial and sign, I had to force the pen to move. My CT scan was “normal”, and we were sent home with a packet of information on concussions but not a clue of what to do from there.
The next 10 days were a blur. The best way I can describe the immediate aftermath of my concussion is a feeling of being extremely drunk yet terribly hung over all at the same time, minus any alcohol. I was dazed, woozy, couldn’t say or do anything that made sense, and was stumbling around. I was also nauseous, had a pounding headache, and fatigued beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I was extremely sensitive to light, both natural and artificial. Initially I spent my days in a darkened bedroom, but it became so monotonous I tried going into the living room. Even with all the blinds closed, the natural light felt so blinding that I would lay on my couch with an umbrella over my head or with an eye mask on.
No one tells you how incredibly boring it is to recover from a concussion. Just rest in a quiet room all the articles say. Sure, that is doable for a few days, but after a while you feel like you are going crazy. You can’t read, be on a screen, or watch tv. I passed the time listening to TedTalks, podcasts, and audiobooks for hours on end. Mentally and physically I was so fatigued, there was very little I could do. I felt self-conscious about some of the memory issues I was having (a common side effect), and therefore what was coming out of my mouth. I avoided talking on the phone unless I was having a good day, and I declined having a lot of visitors. I didn’t want someone to come visit me only to have them feel like they were hanging out with the human equivalent of a plant.
One of the most frustrating parts of recovering from my concussion was that there was no reference point to compare my symptoms or progress to. I didn’t know if I was recovering normally, slowly, or if something was abnormal. My family did extensive research online, and the consensus was anywhere from a few weeks to a few years. A few years?? As someone who likes to plan ahead for everything, the not knowing of when I could feel normal again was a major source of anxiety for me.
Knowing how important tracking data and activity are, I started to keep a journal logging what I did each day so that I could see if there were any patterns to what I was experiencing. Even after the first several weeks I still had every concussion symptom in the book: short term memory loss, fatigue, headaches, loss of balance, sensitivity to light, changes in heart rate variability, dizziness/seeing stars when I moved to fast, etc. I was merely a shell of my former self, as these symptoms were all day, every day and affected each and every part of my life.
I felt trapped and angry that there were so few activities I could do, and for the first time in my life, I couldn’t will or work myself out of a predicament. Prior to my injury I worked nonstop running my business. There was never a day that wasn’t filled with an activity every single hour…my life ran on a clock and I felt like I was always racing against time to get everything done. Then, suddenly I had all of the time in the world, but was unable to do hardly anything at all. It felt like a cruel irony.
When concussion symptoms persist long after the injury has occurred, it is called post-concussion syndrome (PCS). I still live with PCS to this day, albeit milder forms of the symptoms.
What I Wish I Had Known
As the weeks and months went by, I slowly added back pieces of my routine as my body could handle them. Each day I would ask myself “okay what CAN I do?” because so often my thoughts led to what I could NOT do, which was a lot. I eventually realized I had to surrender to the process of healing, and that stressing about my current state wasn’t doing me any good, or helping me heal any faster. I began to let go of the expectations I put on myself. I began to put self-care first, ahead of my business and my other responsibilities in life. And here’s what I learned that helped me heal…
Sleep is Critical
The brain recovers and rebuilds with sleep, and with a concussion, sleep was my #1 priority. I found that this was non-negotiable for me because on the nights that I didn’t sleep well, or didn’t sleep long enough, I lost the ability to function the next day. I am fortunate in that I make my own hours, and so I stopped scheduling clients in the mornings so I could sleep as long as I needed. But just because I made the time and knew sleep was important, didn’t mean I slept easily. I’m not sure if I developed an anxiety surrounding sleep because I was dreading what would happen when I didn’t get it, or if sleep issues were a result of my concussion (another common side effect) but I’ve struggled on and off with getting consistent sleep since the injury.
Winding Down Routine: We’ve all heard the advice of not being on a screen an hour or two before bed, but this is easier said than done, especially when Netflix is calling. But because I was so desperate to sleep well, and because I was so focused on what I could do to speed up my recovery, I became a boring ass adult. This meant I walked away from cliff hangers at the end of an episode and didn’t watch another, and started getting ready for bed around 8 or 9pm. It meant I read Reader’s Digest in bed vs an exciting book. I put lavender oil on my pillow. I had a white noise machine running, and I even had a box fan blasting to further drown out any other noises. I had black out curtains installed. The whole shebang. And you know what? Those things do actually work if you do them each night.
The Calm App: This app has a lot of great meditations, along with ones specifically for sleep. My favorite narrator is Tamara Levitt. On the nights I would wake up and couldn’t go back to sleep, I would often plug my headphones in and listen to the calming music, sleep stories, or the sleep meditations. It was enough stimulation that I didn’t feel like I was just lying around, but not so much that it woke me up further. Most times, I would eventually fall back asleep.
Managing Stress
As a dog behavior consultant I know that mental and physical stress on the body are similar, and when it comes to myself there was no clearer lesson I learned. Mental and physical activity were equally tiring for me, and I had to balance them out in order to function. This meant if I spent a few hours in front of my computer, I had to exercise lightly or take the dogs on a shorter walk so that I wouldn’t exhaust myself. It was as if I would wake up with a certain level of gas in the tank, and it depleted as the day went on, or depending on what activity I was doing. If I pushed myself too hard one day, I would wake up the next day paying for it by not being able to get out of bed. It was a delicate balance of finding what I could do without aggravating my recovery in general. This was one of the hardest areas for me to manage because owning and running a business is a never-ending stream of responsibilities. It also meant that in order for me to make ends meet, I had to focus a lot of my energy on working. This meant less time with my friends and family because I was simply too exhausted to do anything else. For a good 1.5 years after my concussion I didn’t have much of a social life. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I simply couldn’t.
Limiting Alcohol
Without a doubt, one of the biggest triggers to my headaches and feeling crummy was when I had a glass of wine. It was as if my body couldn’t handle alcohol any more, and even with a very small amount I would wake up feeling hungover the next day. In addition to going to bed early, I also skipped most social events that focused on alcohol. Limiting alcohol was always a cost benefit analysis – how much could I have without triggering side effects that I couldn’t handle? I almost always chose to go light, or not drink at all. If I did enjoy a drink, I found that drinking in the late afternoon was best because it gave my body 3-4 hours to metabolize the alcohol before going to bed.
Light Sensitivity
Several months after my concussion I drove up to Santa Barbara with my team for Dr. Susan Friedman’s Living and Learning with Animals seminar. We were all really looking forward to spending the weekend together geeking out on behavior. I still struggled with major light sensitivity, especially artificial and florescent lighting. I wanted to prepare myself for being indoors in a room with a power point presentation and artificial lighting above me. I had a hat and special light filtering glasses ready to go. However even with those on, I lasted only about 20 minutes before feeling so unwell I had to leave the seminar. I felt so defeated, I sat on a bench outside of that room and cried my eyes out. Yet another thing I could not handle because of my concussion.
A short time later, I also had to step away from my role as the booth manager for IAABC. Attending the conferences meant being indoors with a significant amount of artificial light, and my body just couldn’t handle it. I really enjoyed that role – traveling to all the major dog and behavior conferences and representing my favorite organization was something I loved doing.
It took all I had to not become bitter about my situation.
At home, I changed out as many lightbulbs as I could to make my living space more bearable. I had special glasses for driving at night because oncoming headlights were overwhelming for me. I wore blue light blocking glasses while working on my laptop. I kept a hat in my car so I could put it on whenever I went into a store (florescent lights are everywhere!). These small changes added up and made it much easier to get through the day without being triggered by light.
Physical Activity
One of the areas that took longest to rebuild was my tolerance to physical activity. I’ve been an athlete my whole life, and when I’m not working you’ll almost always find me doing some sort of outdoor activity. Once I got past the extreme fatigue from my concussion and tried to resume old activities like hiking, running, and biking my body pretty much laughed at me. The first time I tried riding my bike and got my heart rate up, I collapsed and had to call for someone to pick me up. My body became very sensitive to any increase in heart rate or body temperature, and there were numerous times I nearly blacked out because I didn’t know my limits.
I swallowed my pride and started small. I tested out the timing and intensity of my exercise to find what level my body could handle without negative side effects. Every month, I pushed myself a little harder. Biking was easiest because it didn’t involve my head bouncing like running did, which triggered major headaches. I started there and months later I eventually conditioned myself to handle short jogs. Jogs became runs, and runs became trail runs. I still remember the first time I was able to pick up speed during a run – it felt like freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom I had fought so hard for. It took about 2 years post-concussion for me to get to that point.
To date, I’m 3 years post-concussion and can handle most exercise. I still get dizzy with up and down type exercise (think burpees), and I still have to monitor my heart rate so it doesn’t get too high, but overall, I feel more like my old self which I’ll be eternally grateful for.
Inflammation
Stress, injury, alcohol, sleep deprivation and diet can all trigger inflammation. While I did my best to manage all of those factors, I still experienced a lot of inflammation as my brain healed. Inflammation triggered headaches and brain fog for me, and I popped ibuprofen every day the first year post concussion. Without it, my headaches were unbearable and I couldn’t function. Knowing the health risks associated with over use, I was determined to find another solution. I stumbled across turmeric as an anti-inflammatory treatment, specifically homemade Golden Paste using the Turmeric Life recipe. Within a week of eating Golden Paste a few times a day, my headaches disappeared. I continue to use Golden Paste, and only have to take ibuprofen on really tough days.
Another supplement I used for help with my brain fog is BrocElite, which has Stabilized Sulforaphane. It took about 4 weeks before I noticed a difference (I also bumped up the dosage to 2x per day), but when it came into full effect the results were amazing. I was able to think clearly for longer periods of time than I ever had before.
Note – I wanted to share these two supplements because of the big difference they made in my recovery. I am not endorsing them, nor do I receive any compensation. I simply found them too good not to share, and hope that someone may find them as useful as I did.
The Silver Lining
In one of my concussion journal entries I wrote “Is it possible this occurred because I will gain something from this experience? Is there a silver lining here that I simply cannot see right now? Can I tap into my faith and try to trust that the universe has my back?”
As with most major events in life, we search for meaning to help us comprehend why things have happened to us. At the time, I felt a concussion was the last thing I needed. While I hope to never experience another concussion again, it did force me to reevaluate my life and my priorities. And to be frank I don’t know that anything short of a major injury would have done that for me. These days I have a much better balance of life outside of running my business. I’ve continued with my self care because when I don’t, those PCS symptoms come back in full force. I don’t apologize for putting myself first. I’m focusing more of my efforts on doing the things that matter most to me, both personally and professionally (including this blog!). Because of this, I truly believe the best is yet to come.
If you’re struggling with the aftermath of a concussion, please know that it gets better. Tiny steps in the right direction will solve most things. I’m rooting for you.